Fridays with my Folks by Amal Awad

Author:Amal Awad
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780143789802
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia

‘It’s like they’ve died and you’ve lost them, but they haven’t’

Pam, eighty-one, keeps busy. She frequently attends classical music concerts (matinees for the ‘grey hair’ lot), she swims every day, a pastime she once enjoyed with her husband, who now suffers dementia and resides in a nursing home.

Pam has been married to John for more than sixty years. They have five children together, one of whom has passed on, and thirteen grandchildren. With a big family, Pam admits that she’s never lonely, and it helps having a newborn great-grandchild.

Beside the bathroom in her apartment is a wall of personal history. Ageing photos that, not surprisingly, offer a romantic glimpse of her past. Photos of weddings and children in sepia and black and white. On another wall are the modern ones, full of colour, the beaming faces of generations, modernity enshrined.

Pam is softly spoken, thoughtful, perhaps even a little distant. I don’t find her evasive; rather, uncertain. As her story unfolds, however, it’s clear that she’s a lover of life, of beautiful things; someone who never just dips her toes in the water – she dives.

‘Music keeps me alive, I have to say.’ She likes the usual classical pieces: ‘the old ones’. The Beethovens and Mozarts. ‘I do love Elgar in particular. Especially “Nimrod”.’

As we speak on her balcony, the dulcet tones of a classical piece filter through the door. ‘I go to the theatre matinees. I don’t like going out at night much anymore. But I like the afternoons. And I’ve got a group of friends I do it with, which is really, really good.’

When her kids left school, Pam joined a friend in an antique business. ‘We used to sell at markets, and then we got into a little co-op shop, which I did for quite a few years. I bought most of my own furniture through all of that in the good old days.’

John was a businessman who travelled a lot. ‘We did most things together, family was very important. But when he retired he did things like golf and bowls and that sort of stuff, and I’ve never been very good at any of those things.’

They have different interests, but they did swim together. ‘He loved swimming. And I can still continue my swimming.’

John semi-retired. He did consulting work for a few years. He and Pam travelled together. He was in his early seventies when he retired. Then, when he turned about eighty, a few years ago, there were signs of decline. Little things. Nothing dramatic.

‘Probably took close to three years where it just deteriorated somewhat. And in the end we were home for the last year. I had to get carers in through my doctor, who said she felt I couldn’t really cope. I couldn’t leave much,’ explains Pam. ‘So, I was very lucky. I got a couple of women who came twice a week. There was only three hours, but at least I could go out and go to the shops or go and have a coffee.

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